9 Ways Your Virtual Google Card Will Improve Your Sex Life
Has your sex life been a little limp lately?
If so, you might be interested to know that Google is releasing a new product called Virtual Google Cards - a tool that could have profound implications for the quantity of raw passion in your life.
The basic idea of this new service goes something like this: when a user types your name into search, Google will spit back a virtual business card with all your details on it. It’ll act as a kind of central repository for all relevant personal information, such as your bio, expertise, website, and contact details. What’s more, it’ll all appear right there in search results as a pop-out box, making it easy for people to get in touch with you.
Could it improve your sex life though? Almost certainly. Here’s how:
The person who always fancied you at school will be able to type in your name, see how successful you are, and immediately begin instant messaging you over WhatsApp to tell you how much they miss you.
You’ll look like the business don you really are - somebody with tremendous experience in your industry and enormous quantities of money and power. So attractive!
Once people know who you are, emails will start flooding your inbox, asking you to travel overseas, attend conferences, meet new people, and, hopefully, take somebody back to your hotel room.
Google business cards will show your attractive, beautiful/handsome mugshot, proving to everyone who searches for you just how hot you are. Nobody will be able to resist that debonair smile and double-row of pearly-white teeth.
Your virtual Google business card will open both your business and your body up to the global meat market, allowing people in multiple countries to ogle you and imagine what it might be like to spend the night at your place. Hordes of adoring fans will scour every detail of your profile, looking for yet more reasons to hop into the sack with you.
Your virtual Google business card is like a dating profile in disguise. But this time, you don’t have to go to the pretense of looking for a partner. Instead, potential suitors get all the information that matters upfront and then make the call. Who would have thought?
Not only will people be searching rabidly for your name once Google launches this new service, but you’ll also be able to get back in touch with your long-lost sweetheart. You can find out what they look like now and maybe even shoot them an email asking if they fancy a coffee. Who knows how things might wind up?
In general, people want high-status romantic partners. What could be better, therefore, than listing your life achievements and impressive credentials online for all to see?
Lastly, Virtual Google Cards gives you another way to get your name out there.
So, really, we all owe Google a big thank you. Not only has the California search giant provided us with a way of boosting our businesses, but also our sex lives too.
And the best bit? It’s free.
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